


The Truth of the Beast

by booktick



Series: phobos [2]
Category: The Haunting of Hill House (TV 2018)
Genre: Anxiety, Grief/Mourning, Nyctophobia, Other, Post-S1, Post-Series, Sleep Deprivation, Steve being Steve, Survivor Guilt, nell was good and did not deserve any of this, none of the crains did, not spoiler free at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-12 20:32:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16878696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booktick/pseuds/booktick
Summary: Nellie was his little sister and he was her big brother. She called and he would answer. He remembered, she was Nellie and she was good.





	The Truth of the Beast

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own none of this franchise.
> 
> A/N: There are transitions of different timelines in this fic so I hope it makes since of where Steve is throughout it??? Idk what I was doing in this fic but I wanted to write something with Nell and Steve, so here we are. Hope you all enjoy!

* * *

Steve laid under the covers for what felt like hours when it had only been fifteen minutes. He had set his alarm clock at least three or four times. He had to get up early to get to the airport. It's not that he looked forward to it but he would need to make sure to call Luke at least. It had been a month or so, Luke was still in the hospital from the events at Hill House. It had been...hard on all of them. He refused to have anyone else go get Dad's ashes. He could do this. He had gone through far too much, they all had. Hill House fucked over all of them.

In the end though, he had gone home. _His real home._ Leigh and him had stayed up all night. He still wasn't sure if she believed everything he told her--who would? Had Dad felt like this? All the things that were seen and felt and still not having answers for questions or not knowing how to even begin to answer--it nearly consumed him or maybe that was just the guit. Regardless, Leigh and him had shared enough to be allowed home. Just this week, he picked up the last few boxes from his former apartment before heading to his sister's and all of Nell's boxes had...had gone to the storage space he rented.

There'd be time to get to that...

His hand covered his eyes, only darkening the room further. He shifted his weight under the bed covers, while his legs stretched in an attempt to shake off the numb that began to spread. It didn't work. He curled his toes next as they peaked out from the end of the covers. He pulled his hand down some, and wiggled his toes again. What did Nellie always say...

"One..." he whispered, "Two-"

The floorboards creaked and for a moment he thought it was Leigh. His head turned, eyes settled on the sleeping form beside him. He refused to look away from her, his fingers that had covered his eyes now at his mouth. He swallowed hard, the numb had reached his tongue. He tried to form some sort of words, some sort of question that would wake Leigh and have the lamp turn on and be okay.

But that didn't happen. The silence pierced him against the bed, the numb traveled back down his throat to his arms. His fingers ran over the blanket over them both, felt the wrinkles and how the warmth was gone there. The cold did not clash well with the numb. He knew it had been cold like this in Hill House--they all had. Dad had tried placing heaters in their bedrooms.

He let his head fall back against the pillow, eyelids drooped but he never let his gaze leave Leigh's sleeping form. His fingers stopped curling and uncurling against the covers. Things were fizzing out around Leigh, the colors of the room blurred into an even deeper abyss and not even the moonlight through the bedroom window changed it. Even with him blinking, his eyes were the only part of him not effected by the numb. He blinked away the tears, it stung each time. 

"Steve?"

He looked up from his laptop, the light stings his eyes. He realizes his glasses are too low on his nose. He pushed them up with his knuckles and the wrinkles form at the corner of his eyes. Steve's fingers remained hovered over his keyboard as if frozen there.  But his eyes never left her until she sat beside him.

"Hey, Nell," he replied "I didn't know you were here."

"Leigh let me in. She's...busy?" Nell placed her bag in her lap, a piercing crimson that screamed _gift from Theo_ the moment he saw it, but Nellie wrapped her arms around it.

"Uh...yeah. Family stuff or somethin'." Steve let his fingers finally touch the laptop again, "Everything okay, Nell?" He looked at the cursor that blinked on the small screen.

It wasn't that he didn't  _want_ her here or anything. Nellie meant well. It was a work day, and his hands itched. If he could just get a few more paragraphs he could relax and listen to her all day. It was easier to get things out on a keyboard. He didn't have to meet a keyboard's gaze or have it...well, it was just different. Speaking through words on a screen and speaking out of his own mouth on most days. He figured he was better at listening anyway..

He could listen. _Yeah_. He could do that.

"Yeah, I guess." Nell shrugged, eyes shifted to the computer.

His stomach flopped and sloshed thanks to the itch in his hands and his own words. _Damn it_ , he should have said something better, something  _else_. Nellie had come to his house for gods sake, to his front door, and it wasn't like he could just not respond. Everything that came out of his mouth tasted wrong the moment he said it.

Why couldn't he just... _listen to her_... _hear her_...

He realized he hadn't replied after he hears her sigh loud enough to indicate it was now his turn to go. He could hear that but not her. _Great job_ , he told himself, and the itch only grows inside him. It just wouldn't go away, not ever.

_Ask if she's taking her meds. Ask if she wants you to go her sessions with her. Ask if she wants to stay over. Say something encouraging like a brother should, Steve._

"Uh huh?" He replied.  _Damn it._

His fingers backspaced the last few sentences he wrote on the laptop, "Just something a couple had happen to them. Nothing too interesting."

"You're writing...another book?" She asked.

Steve glanced at her eyes, which stared far too intently, and he saw how she looked at the laptop and shut it immediately. His smile returned as he placed the device aside, temporarily forgetting what he had been so worried about when he saw Nell. He shrugged his own shoulders at the question, not an actual answer he knew. Nellie was his little sister and he was her big brother. She called and he would answer. He remembered, she was Nellie and she was good. The book could wait for a bit, it wasn't going anywhere. The itch in his hands traveled up his arms to his shoulders and rested.

"Theo says she paid you a visit? That must've been...fun?" He didn't answer her question. He was good at pushing past things that are...uncomfortable. 

Her eyes brightened anyway, "Oh, yeah," her lips pulled back again into a smile of her own, "It was good. Calming. Like a rainbow?"

"Yeah?" He nodded, "Did she stay at your place-"

"Uh no," Nellie curled her fingers against the red of the bag's strap, "A hotel. B-But we had lunch. I haven't had lunch out in a while so...her neither. She wanted to make a family thing I guess."

Ah, yes. Family thing.........

"We had a lot of fun, even with just the two of us." She nodded.

_Shit._

"Listen...I'm sorry. I know you asked me to come and I even fit it into my schedule-" The itch at his shoulders dig deep into his flesh and he bleeds until the flesh turned numb. Nellie doesn't seem to notice but he does. He didn't exactly have much work lately...all his clients talked about lately was Hill House that and this. Doesn't matter though, he treated Nellie like another client.

 _The thought hits him all at once, since when do big brothers have to schedule a fucking lunch with their_  little  _sisters?_ The thought washed over his throat and down to his ribs. 

All he had to do was show up. He just had to show up, "And I promised to have that lunch with you guys but with work-" he continued on, even gestured towards the laptop. 

But she shook her head, shoulders lifted and dropped "It's fine. I get it."

His hands dropped to his lap and he stared at his little sister. She just so easily accepted his excuses. It was as if she expected them now instead of kept promises. His chest tightened at the thought. His smile fell and he looked away from her. A nice view of his hands in his lap greeted his shame and guilt anyway.

"No, Nell." He shook his head and forced himself to lift his head, though he couldn't quite meet her eyes,

"I'm-I'm gonna do better. Really. We'll talk more after work dies down, okay?"  _No, don't say that. That's something Dad says._

"You don't have to, Steve, really." Nell shook her head, and, for some reason, he noticed out of the corner of his eye how her hair shook and it was like confetti. It sparkled when in the right sort of light.

Just like Nell.

He blinked far too much. "No,"  _Look at her_ , "Nellie, I'm going to be better. You're my little sister." He said so softly, eyes met hers.

Her head tilted and her smile grew somehow, all wide and bright, "And you're my big brother." Her hand reached and grasped his shoulder, squeezing once. 

Steve jolted up and he was back in his bed. His eyes widened and his palms grasp at his shoulders. His nails dug into his shoulders out of desperation. The blanket over him falls to his hips and the cold of the night meets his bare flesh. However, the bed is still warm under him. Leigh turned and her hand goes under a pillow with a soft groan. She slept on instead. Had he fallen asleep somehow? He didn't recall ever closing his eyes. But...

He looked at one of his shoulders, a hand still there but this time it's his own. No Nellie there to comfort him, not even his wife who laid beside him. Only himself and the darkness of the room. He swallowed before he, with upmost caution, lowered his hands to his lap. Eventually, after a few deep breaths burned into his ribs, he lowered himself back down on the bed. The breaths of his wife went against his cheek as Leigh moved closer, her arm went across his waist. And he took another deep breath as he stared at the darkness of the room, his eyelids began to droop. His eyes found his toes that peaked out from under the blanket once more. He began to count like before.

"One..." he whispered, "Two..."

And his eyes shut away the darkness.


End file.
